Meet my Cyberchondriac Girls!

One of the little known long-term side effects of cancer is "cyberchondria." It's a tendency to self-diagnose with a multitude of illnesses, based on obsessive internet research following symptom onset. Of course, the doctors don't understand. But ONE DAY THEY'LL SEE. They'll see that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

After all, you knew something was wrong the first time, right?

No one believed you, but then it was cancer. So, in a way, cyberchondria is a protective mechanism to keep us from getting hit by that truck again.

Here are my beloved fellow Cyberchondriacs (minus Stacia, who's out of state, and Liz, who had to run to...a doctor's appointment? Either that or she was picketing the local branch of CPL because they keep billing her $2.37 on an insurance policy that's been out of date for six years). The photo is from my birthday lunch, as I proudly display my (very appropriate) gift: The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You:


Can I just say how much I love these girls!? We validate each other's fears and support every attempt to get that test/scan/labwork, because...well, it's just therapeutic to take things to the worst possible scenario and then realize that your flesh-eating bacteria was just an infected pimple. An exercise in perspective, you might say.

A sampling of one of our email conversations:

Liz: Okay ladies - here are some delightful hypochondriac bloggers, masquerading as anxious depressives, who might be our soulmates. My favorite blog title? I think it's my spleen ... The Blog for Hypochondriacs. After all, if it tingles, it must be cancer.
Another clever one is Confessions of a Hypochondriac. This woman wants to organize the Hundred Hypochondriac March & Rally. Beautiful in its simplicity, no?

No matter how fetching these titles and entries are, I think our collective writings are far more sophisticated and entertaining. I look forward to your entries in the PC blog about the as-yet undiscovered illnesses stalking each of us, every single day.

yours in over-active imaginings - Liz

P.S. - I've been having headaches, which is quite unusual for me; imagine my delight in connecting my recent trip to England to the eyeball-exploding pain. I had one bite of a very rare steak. Of course, Creutzfeld-Jakob disease, a/k/a Mad Cow. Early symptoms? Insomnia, memory loss, depression, anxiety, withdrawal, fearfulness, and .... headache. I'm done.

Stacia: “Shut up brain or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip.” This is brilliant!!! Liz, sorry to hear about mad cow disease invading your body. Please be in touch before the hysteria takes over.

Jenny: From the "I think it's my spleen" blog:

“I've had some really good months since I left the house. I actually got bitten by two fire ants recently and, surprisingly, I didn't die. Of either the bites or panic. It wasn't the best few hours of my life, waiting for impending doom, but I got over it.”

From my real-life weekend:

I was bitten by fire ants Saturday afternoon at ACL [Austin City Limits music festival] and ended up leaving Zilker Park in an ambulance. Thankfully I didn't die from the anaphylactic shock, or the panic. A pure shot of adrenaline seems to help with both of those conditions. In case any of you hypochondriacs ever need it, I now carry some in my purse. Liz, maybe it can stave off the Mad Cow for a while, come on over and we'll give it a try.

Man, I can't make this stuff up!

Liz: Oh yeah, this is GOOD!!!! Maybe you were in the ambulance I saw leaving? So, you have an Epi-pen now? I got one after I had a systemic reaction to a penicillin-class antibiotic last year that was prescribed for the flesh-eating bacteria infection on my face - my reaction obviously wasn't as serious. I didn't feel like going to Brack, so I waited a few hours until my internist was available. You can imagine how happy he and the dermatologist were. L-I-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Ahhhh, the power of shared imagination. Bring it on, folks---join the Cyberchondriacs! We're waiting to hear from you and, yes, to tell you that we believe you even if no one else does. :-)