The In-Between Moments at CURE's Patient & Survivor Forum

Last weekend I was at the CURE Patient and Survivor Forum in Chicago. For the first time, they added a “Young Adult Track,” which I had the pleasure of developing with Allan Goldberg, the E.D. of First Descents kayaking camp. That, in and of itself, is momentous and exciting and fabulous. But the best parts of the weekend for me were the unscripted, unplanned-for moments. For example…

Not officially on the YA track—but we claimed her anyway!—Kris Carr was there to screen her documentary, Crazy Sexy Cancer. So Saturday afternoon, Allan, Kris and I sneaked out of the conference with Susan McClure (YA survivor, PC board member, kick-ass publisher of CURE and HEAL mags) and Dan Shapiro (YA survivor, psychiatrist, and author of Mom’s Marijuana) to get some lunch outside of the hotel. We traversed a flea-market parking lot and risked our lives crossing a major road, all in an effort to find an alternative to sports bar food. (I mean, once you’ve seen Crazy Sexy Cancer, you aren’t going to sit down with Kris and chow down on beef nachos and fried cheese. You just aren’t.) But the food was secondary because…oh my god…. these four people are about the funniest, most honest AND most inappropriate folks I have ever met.

I think Kris was stunned at first—she’s been rolling on the integrative medicine circuit and is used to peace, light and love. (Not to say we don’t HAVE peace, light and love but, being pragmatic, we cancer folks also like to include some variant of nausea, scars and constipation.) But in no time, she was matching all of us for war stories: for example, one newspaper wrote an article about her under the bright, chipper headline: “Terrific…And Terminal!” She got sympathy for about...oh, two seconds before we started roaring with laughter. Because, of course, it's hilarious when a not-so-gifted headline writer predicts your imminent demise to your entire hometown, right?

The other unplanned thing was the afternoon sessions, which started with Debra Thaler-Demers’ talk on Psychosocial Issues and magically morphed into a spontaneous YA support group. A roomful of young adults, most of whom had never met before, encouraging each other, sharing woes from the trenches, laughing our asses off, and even laying a little “tough love” on the line. (We might love each other, but no one gets away with swiping the cancer card in this crowd!)

I’m constantly amazed at how quickly and deeply we can connect with other YA cancer survivors, given the opportunity. How we “get” each other without having to slog through the back story. And always, always, how we manage to pull laughter (inappropriate or not!) out of the darkest places. I am in awe of how much power that gives us as a community, whether it’s four people or forty.

Pretty damn cool.