Loosely based on Michael’s “Cancerland” blog, with contributions from JT, Kristin, Steve51 and Andriu

10. No candy stripers -- just strippers named Candy.

9.  Radiation laser tag.

8.  You can try your luck at a basketball shooting game, only the rim would be about a foot away, because let's face it, none of us have the strength to shoot a basketball a normal distance.

7.  And we'd win cool prizes, like, like... insurance coverage for another year. Keep the fucking stuffed animal -- give me something I could REALLY use.

6.  One of those mist things that would spray the med of your choice. (Imagine that. Now imagine that spraying Dilaudid. HELLZ yeah.)

5.  All nurses’ stations will double as full-service bars. Push your nurse call button and order whatever the hell you want.

4.  Vincristine [or INSERT CHEMO NAME HERE] would be called "motherfucker" ... "Hey, I don't want any more of that motherfucker."

3.  When you're prepping for surgery, you don't need to use any anesthesia. You just have sex until you pass out.

2.  Everything will be a game. You know, if you need to vomit, we'll bring in people you hate so you can vomit ON them. Or we can line up the vomiters and see whose vomit is more toxic.

1.  And how about a section where they give out nice, sensual massages to anyone who wants one. AND YOU GET A HAPPY ENDING! (wink wink)

Because don't we all want happy endings? Isn't that what we're striving for?  It's nice to dream.